Being a friend for the "after"

I have a few friends in the midst of serious medical issues with loved ones. I see so many people reaching out via social media, offering kind words, prayers, and virtual hugs. Often, a question is repeated, "how can I help?"

Those words bring me back to a time where I was the person disseminating news of a dear loved one's trauma and recovery. I was being asked, "how can we help?". Sometimes, a tangible answer would arise out of a current need - a lunch here, a phone call there. But most of the time, we simply asked for positive thoughts and prayers.

When a crisis happens, a crowd of caring people rises up to voice their concern, share their support, and to offer assistance.

A fear I cannot imagine

I try to conjure memories of my most frightened moments, but they do not materialize. Sure, I have been afraid. I was stuck in an elevator once as a kid, thinking for a moment that no one would find me. Years later, at a football game, older kids (whom we did not know) tried to take me and my friend somewhere. We kicked and ran. Most recently, I have felt fear when a driving mistake led to a man following me, close to my bumper, for over 20 minutes.

In a given moment

We are moms. Packers of the lunches, teachers of the minds, drivers of the children. We are all-powerful, right? It would be nice to think so.

My family knows all too well that anything can happen in a given moment. One glance away can mean a fall. One normal, innocent step can turn into trauma. Paralysis. Life-altering moments are not picky; they strike children, mothers, fathers, grandparents, sisters, and brothers. All races. All body types. Any level of education. The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that we have a one in five chance of becoming disabled in our lifetime. For some, this is an “old age thing”. But for others, the hand of fate barges in when no one was ready.

Thankful for my shoes

I received the phone call on a Thursday evening.

One year and one week ago.

"Anne (my sister-in-law) was in an accident. She fell down the ravine."

I lost my breath upon hearing those very first words. I barraged the caller with questions.

"Is she okay? What happens next? What did the doctors say?"

At that moment, we had no answers. We knew that she was removed from the river and airlifted to the nearest trauma center, Mission Hospital in Asheville, North Carolina. We were told to wait. Wait for the next phone call.

My husband was several states away on a business trip. We tried desperately to reach him, to inform him of his sister's catastrophe. I was home alone with a two-year-old. She was tugging on my arm, begging for snack, asking for a movie. She wanted to play. All I could do was sit in shock, willing the phone to ring with good news. I had to talk to someone. I called my parents, desperately trying to hold back tears, and passed along the shocking news.

The next call finally came, and it was not what I wanted to hear. My sister-in-law suffered a severe spinal cord injury and would face the rest of her life paralyzed from the chest down.

Time to feel

Today is Good Friday. The day in the Christian calendar to reflect upon an ultimate sacrifice. And in a few days, we will celebrate the joy of Easter.

My heart is heavy this week from too many personal tragedies among friends. Babies dying before opening their eyes to the light of day. A child battling the effects of chemotherapy. Moms trying to find the strength to overcome their own health issues. Elderly loved ones nearing the end of their lives.

I struggle to understand. My trust waivers, but I stand strong. I focus on my own blessings and give thanks. Through the long Easter weekend (maybe longer), I am going to step away. I need some time to hurt for my friends and laugh with my child. I need time to relax. A few days to unplug.

I will be back when I can write with energy again. And share more tales of the joys in life.
 

4 Moms In One (A Wordful Wednesday)

Striving to be that "perfect" mom. The happy mom. And the working mom. Now adding another hat for a little while - fundraising mom.

I want to do all I can for my husband's family and especially his sister, who was involved in an accident on July 8th. She is getting fantastic care at a phenomenal rehab center in Atlanta, but will be learning to live life all over again - from a wheelchair. She is a sweet, gentle, caring person. She is lucky to have survived the accident, and came out of it with the use of her arms, no brain damage, and breathing on her own. Those were miracles out of her tragedy.

We created a blog documenting my SIL's progress. It's also a place where friends and family can send their supportive messages. And now we've added a fundraiser. We want to make sure my SIL gets the best equipment for her home, a proper retrofit for her car, and a wheelchair that fits her needs. Insurance covers some of this, short-term disability holds some of her income, and her husband's employer has been so kind to keep him paid while he is in Atlanta with his wife. But we know the bills will add up. And if we can help to take the financial stress away, then a little more focus can be given to healing and overcoming.

Parents, school is starting soon. If you want a simple gesture for your kids' teachers as you begin a new school year, consider our apple charm pin fundraiser. My SIL is a teacher, and her fellow disctrict teachers/friends will be wearing these until she returns to school.

$4.00 each

If you are interested, click the envelope icon on the right sidebar to email me (julie@3MomsInOne.com). I'll get your address for shipping and send instructions for how to pay.

Thank you! Have a safe and happy day.

How do you not ask why?

WHY?

It's the question you are not supposed to ask. It's the word that sticks in your brain and pains your heart. And it seems it's the hardest thing to push away in times of trouble.

The rest of the world moves on. We're expected to go back home. Go back to work. But when someone we love is in pain and facing a tremendous emotional challenge, it's almost too hard.

It is not easy to spend countless moments in a hospital, searching for progress wherever it may be found. But it's definitely not easy to be back home, either. The world keeps moving on. They move on with a smile. But we have heavy hearts. And only the big picture matters anymore.

I want to know WHY.

Being a perfect mom? Now only means being there for your child, no matter how old. Just like my mother-in-law, standing by her eldest daughter.

Being a working mom? I don't even care anymore. I will put forth the effort I can, but I can't bring myself to think it matters. At all.

A happy mom? I can rejoice in the funny things my daughter does, but my heart hurts. Even when I'm feeling OK, I see the pain in my husband's eyes as he worries about his sister. And then I hurt again.

I want to know WHY.

- - -
My sister-in-law was involved in an accident on July 8th, 2010. She is lucky to have survived the accident, and came out of it with the use of her arms, no brain damage, and breathing on her own. Those were miracles out of her tragedy.

A mom & her daughter

"[A] mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled." ~Emily Dickinson



My dad always said, "It doesn't matter how old you get. If you're 40 years old, you are still my little girl."
I'm seeing this in action as we feel our way through this family tragedy. You can see the care and concern in every inch of my mother-in-law's face. Her little girl is hurting. Her little girl is scared. She is feeling these emotions as well, but those are put aside. Only her daughter matters.
I hope none of us have to endure the pain of our children. But it's inspiring to see just how strong a mama can be when put to the test.


- - -
My sister-in-law was involved in an accident on July 8th, 2010. She is lucky to have survived the accident, and came out of it with the use of her arms, no brain damage, and breathing on her own. Those were miracles out of her tragedy.

Speechless... (almost)

What is there to say on a mom blog when a loved one is facing a drastic life change?

My gentle, caring, lovely sister-in-law is facing quite a test in her life right now. She is blessed with an amazing family who will go the extra mile (or 500 miles) for her. A husband who is caring and hard-working. And some lifelong friends who will help hold her up when she feels like it's too hard to go on.

It is said that when God closes a door, he opens a window.

It's hard to see that open window right now, but I know we'll find it.


And by the way, nothing brings so many smiles in times of stress than a 2-year-old (adorable) girl yelling "smooches!" in the hospital.

Maybe she should visit there more often. It's inspiring to see a little extra light flicker in the eyes of families who are worrying about the ones they love.

If only we could bottle the joy of a child. We'd make millions.

My heart aches

My sister-in-law had an accident this afternoon. She is alive, thanks to God, but she has a long, challenging road ahead. Needless to say, everything is on hold while we attend to her needs and the needs of the rest of the family.

Please send prayers.

So do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my hand.
-Isaiah 41:10