I have too much to balance, so I'm saying goodbye

Helloooo out there. 

I know there are not many eyes reading this post because I have seriously (I mean, horribly, really, really seriously) neglected BalancingMama. 

Life is taking enough of my time and parenting/life/travel writing does not have it's little niche in my world anymore. I am writing for businesses, media strategizing, media planning and buying, and managing social media and B2B ad campaigns. It keeps me busy and, frankly, those things pay the bills a whole lot better. I can buy my own tickets to awesome theme parks and newly-released movies and, of course, I will still share my thoughts and favorites on social. 

So it's not really goodbye at all... just "see ya elsewhere."

@BalancingMama on Instagram has been changed to @julie.k.mama
  
Please find me there!

Stereotyping... just stop it.

I look at Facebook posts and comments on news articles and I just want to yank someone through the screen and shout, "what is WRONG with you people?"

Is this what social media has done to our society? Has it made it acceptable to snarl and offend and lose every sense of normal decorum? Do the people who troll the Internet and act downright asinine have the guts to do that in real life? In front of living, breathing human beings? Maybe they do. Maybe they truly are horrible grumps who will say or do as they please without a care. Or maybe they find comfort in hiding in basic anonymity behind a computer screen and the evil just spews out uncontrollably?

When did basic societal decency get thrown in the dump because we aren't in person anymore?

The stereotypes.... oh, the stereotypes. Do you want to know a really good way to incite anger and violence among the masses? Take a very small portion of a group of people and apply that personality to "all of 'em".

When the Starbucks red cup fiasco hit social media, I saw hundreds of references to "Christians" who are angered by the solid red cup redesign. Do you know who is angered by this design? One or two or three people who call themselves Christians but who really don't live up to Christian ideals at all. Christianity does not teach us to freak out about the frivolous. It teaches us to be humble, to be peacemakers. To turn a blind eye. Yet the masses on social media are going on about "those crazy Christians" again. Address the issue how it really is - a few people who do not, under any circumstances, represent an entire religious group of people.

The at-home parent vs. isolation

Moms (and stay-at-home dads), what do you do when you just. cant. take. it. anymore?

After some very difficult weeks with a mucus-filled, poor-sleeping, daycare-transitioning, almost-two-year-old, I had to pose this question to my mom blogger group. I wanted to scream and run away from home, but instead I reached out (through my iPhone) to some of the most supportive mamas I know.

The responses flooded in almost immediately and it was glaringly obvious: the parenting challenge of isolation is very real and very hurtful.

Many mothers stay at home while juggling a seemingly never-ending list of to-dos which could include multiple kids, sports schedules, PTA, work, and more. We do not have frequent time away from home or kids. We do not have the luxury of "let me finish this thought" when drafting an important email and a child is tugging, crying, screaming on/at us. Let's face it, we rarely have the luxury of going to the bathroom alone. Thank goodness for what restraint we have left when the clueless question, "what do you do with yourself all day?".

Despite never being alone, the isolation is there. We are isolated from what we need as adults.

What I learned by "going back to work" this week #WAHM

Being a mom is both a joy and a struggle, probably for all of us. My kids are my world and I would lay down my life for either of them if they were in serious danger. And while I am often desperate to get away from them, I find myself rushing back to their arms as soon as possible afterward.

I made my working mom decisions at various points over the past seven years. First, when I fell so in love with a part-time preschool for Amelia (now seven) that I left a really great job at an awesome TV network. Another time, with Andrew (17 months), when I decided to stop commuting into the city and take the plunge into consulting work. 

This week, I was able to go to a client meeting for the first time in a really long time. I stepped off the elevator feeling confident in my new comfortable summer dress and cute sandals, was greeted warmly by an old friend, and received some attention from the quietly sweet shaggy office dog. I did not have to "perform" in the meeting, and it was fun to dig into strategies and challenges and learn what this client faces. I left with a potentially big opportunity and some serious nerves. Time will tell what comes out of the meeting and if my "piece of the pie" is a big one. Or if it exists at all.

Despite the 80-minute drive back home (thanks, Atlanta), the check I had to write to the babysitter, and hungry kids pulling on my leg the moment I walked through the door, I am glad I jumped in and accepted the meeting. 

I learned that I can transition back into the big, scary working world again one day. 

I learned that I do not have to hide behind emails and the comfort of my own home. 

I learned that I've still "got it", and my mind was buzzing the entire evening afterwards. 

I learned that I like getting out of the house, but I was reminded that I detest Atlanta rush hour - which begins around 3:30 and doesn't let up until 7:00. 

I learned that outside-of-the-home working mothers reap some benefits and face some significant additional challenges, like "what's for dinner?" within three seconds of crossing the threshold (with nerves still shot from over an hour of traffic in a 20-mile commute).

I learned that opportunities are out there, if I am willing to figure out how to make them work and put on my brave face. And the decision to take those opportunities? Is all mine.

Moms, whatever type of opportunity you wish for or are facing right now, whether it is work or something else, go for it. Listen to the roar in your heart and take a step down the path that points you there. 

You may learn something! 

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Linking up to the fabulous weekly Writer's Workshop here with Kat Bouska.. I chose the prompt: What did you learn this week?   

Find what makes you happy, then do what it takes

When you don't like something in your life or things do not go as you planned, what do you do?

Personally, I complain about it for a while. I let it get me down. And then, when I am tired of feeling let down or aggravated, I release the build-up of "oomph" inside and embark on a journey to fix it.

 My career aspirations have pretty much gone unattained at this point. I stepped backward for the sake of my then baby girl, because the only day care where I felt peace and joy was only available for part-time hours. I found a friendly career home, a perfect fit, that satisfied my needs for several years. I had plans for a long-term future there, but circumstances beyond my control changed that plan as I faced reduced work hours. Plus, the 70-minute one-way commute, even at only twice a week, was wearing me thin. Baby Andrew came along and I felt lucky to not have to worry about too many work hours. I took several months away from work entirely. As he reached 6 months old, however, I did not enjoy the isolation from grown-up discussion and yearned to work again. I finally realized that I was depressed and bored and not treating myself well. I took the unexpected curves in life and allowed them to veer me into a ditch where I sat and felt bad.

This is what I do. I get sad, feel bad, and eventually something snaps. A fire burns in me again and I set my mind to making a change.

You cannot expect anyone to make your positive life changes for you.

A mere seven months later, I no longer commute.

Getting to know local author Stephanie Davis #books

Smart and confident women know how to get things accomplished. Atlanta PR pro and children's book author Stephanie Davis saw a gaping hole in the industry and is making her mark with her Kayla The Great series featuring a spunky multicultural little girl. I shared a review of Kayla The Great and The Magic Red Dress with you recently, and I also had a chance to interview the author.

Being a professional in "real" life with a love for writing on the side myself, I am in awe of her accomplishments and her go-get-'em attitude. Read the interview with Stephanie Davis below, and stay tuned for more on the new Kayla the Great book publishing soon! 

Stephanie, what inspired you to write children's books?

I love writing and I love children. A few years ago, one of my family members gave birth to a baby girl. I wanted to buy the baby a book as a gift. I searched far and wide, and I was so surprised at the lack of female lead characters in children's books. I was even more disappointed to learn there were very few characters of color. I had the idea of Kayla The Great years ago, but after I realized there was a huge lack of diversity in children's books, I decided it was time to bring her to life. My intent was not to make a grand statement with my books. Kayla The Great is here to represent the world we live in. And I really wanted children to fall in love with books. I wanted them to enjoy reading and see images of themselves and others in books. 

Is Kayla modeled after you as a child or any child you know?

Kayla The Great is the combination of little girls I've met throughout my life, my nieces and my little cousins. She's also loosely based on me. 

Kayla celebrates girls, diversity, and uniqueness! #books #multicultural #giveaway

photo: Kayla The Great website

Books, books, books. My first grader is obsessed with reading books! No complaints, here. As a mom and fan of reading myself, I love to encourage her thirst for written entertainment and knowledge. She enjoys books of all kinds from picture books, to fantasy fiction and non-fiction biographies or science topics.

One of the newest books we have come across is Kayla The Great and The Magic Red Dress. Six-year old Kayla The Great is an energetic biracial girl who lives with her family in Atlanta, GA.(Amelia loves that we share the same home city!). Kayla wears bright, colorful outfits and her favorite dress, a red one, is the subject of the first book in the new Kayla The Great series. Her favorite dress? It goes missing! And Kayla must embark on an important mission to locate it.



photo: Kayla The Great website

The author, Atlanta-based Stephanie Davis, created this bi-racial little heroine because she saw a need in the children's book industry. Did you know that less than 4% of books feature Latino children? And less than 2% feature an African-American child? A recent study from University of Wisconsin reported those facts. And the presence of multicultural content in children's books has not increased in the past 18 years! Take one look at my blue-eyed, light brown-haired girl and you will see she is not of minority ethnicity, but it is just as important for white children to enjoy stories about all races and cultures. How else will we continue to evolve in our acceptance and love for others? Amelia does not see differences at age six and I hope she grows up just as color blind through all of her years.

 Kayla The Great and The Magic Red Dress is an ideal story book for ages 5-8 of any race or ethnicity. The character is a fun-loving heroine and it is enjoyable to "follow" her on her mission to locate her favorite item of clothing. And if you read and love this book? Stay tuned, because the next in the series is coming out soon! Kayla The Great Goes To Washington will be available February/March 2015. Follow Smart Sweet Kayla on Facebook for all the latest info.

WIN TWO COPIES OF KAYLA THE GREAT - one each for your child and a friend
Share the love of girl power and diversity! You can win two copies of Kayla The Great and The Magic Red Dress - just enter via the simple Rafflecopter form below.

a Rafflecopter giveaway
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I am a blogger ambassador for the Kayla The Great series. I was provided compensation to share information with you about this book and the upcoming new release. All opinions are 100% mine.

Why I ditched the commute: the mom life that works for me

The 1950s stay-at-home mom (SAHM) supposedly looked like June Cleaver: wearing her dress, heels, and pearls to vacuum. She supposedly had matching oven mitts to pull the pan out of the oven, and the pan was always oozing delicious goodness from something homemade. She greeted her husband at the door and took his hat and briefcase before serving the entire family with a huge pearly smile.

Really?!

I have no idea what it was really like back then, what I know came from television. I'm sure that era did have the formality, the nice clothes, and moms who were called housewives. Fast forward to the twenty-first century, however, and you have a whole new distinction: the work-at-home mom (WAHM). Women's lib created more opportunities to get away from the home and chances to be more equal with men. Technology helped those working women to have a more flexible environment because work can be done on the go or from various locations. No more being tied to an office file cabinet and one huge desktop computer - we have laptops! And VPN access, and call forwarding, and cell phones!

Can I be happy as a SAHM?

I have been home on maternity leave with my kindergartner and newborn for one month. I usually work part-time, about 14 hours each week with 8 of those hours in the office. I do not have one of those amazing jobs with meaning; I don't save lives, birth babies, or invent amazing technological advancements. But my job is my escape from the monotony of home; it is my regular exercise for my brain. I get to brainstorm ideas and make smart decisions.

I hate moms who judge other moms - and I applaud all types. Stay-a-home (SAHM), work-from-home, full-time, part-time... whatever works for each individual mom is Awesome. Yep, with a capital A.

Sometimes, however, I wonder what is wrong with me. Why can't I find that joy and contentment in staying home? How do the SAHMs stay sane?

More than just winter blues: part 3 #mentalhealth series

Part 1 of More Than Just Winter Blues was an introduction to guest poster Natalie Mohr and her own personal journey as a mother struggling with mental health issues. In Part 2, Natalie shared some important lessons about finding professional help.


Natalie P. Mohr is the author of "The Tale of the Lantern Lady," an allegorical short story about those who suffer from mental illness and depression and those who bridge the gap between pain and positive change in their lives.

For the gritty and very real version of Natalie's journey, see her other guest posts via Hope Rising - Natalie Part 1 and Hope Rising - Natalie Part 2

Lessons from a Medicated Mama - part 3
*a guest post from author Natalie Mohr*

Finally, it is important to find ways of coping - and self-forgiveness - within yourself.

Seek to find ways of coping. Sometimes, medication alone is not the only remedy.  Learning coping skills help us face challenges and negative patterns that are counter-active to our improvement. We may be unaware that things we are doing are worsening our condition.  In these circumstances, a good therapist is essential.  Just like doctors, there are good providers and others who for whatever reason are not a good fit. Find one that specializes in your type of illness. If you are uncomfortable with your therapist or feel that their treatment is not helping, find another one. Do not assume that all approaches are the same.

When I am depressed,  I tend to think irrationally and go deeper into a downward spiral of negative thoughts. I think things will never get better, that I won't make it through the tunnel. I feel like I'm not  cut out for society.  I am sometimes overwhelmed by simple tasks and great feelings of guilt for not fulfilling my expectations of myself. I might uncontrollably burst into tears for no reason. When I am in the darkness, I often need the guidance of someone else to point things out, bring things to light and remind me of the positive times when I have fulfilled my expectations and have accomplished things. 

Don't be too hard on yourself. I personally set high standards for myself and have high expectations of what I think I should accomplish as a good mother.  I want to be superwoman. I want to take my kids to every enrichment opportunity out there, help them do crafts, read to them every night, all while having dinner on the table by 5:00 and a spotless house. I have learned not to completely eliminate goals, but to recognize my limitations and readjust them.  Sometimes it is as simple as altering long term goals into simple short term goals. Learn to recognize negative self-talk and destructive thoughts. Sometimes my house is a wreck. I have no energy. During periods of depression I can't bring myself to do laundry. I have to rely on the help of my husband to do household chores, cook and take care of the kids. I can't make it to church. I end up frequently cancelling plans. I don't want to get out of bed. I go without make up or fixing myself up. At extreme times, I have even had episodes of being unable to care for myself.  I feel an extreme sense of guilt, which worsens the depression. Accepting that I have limitations outside of my control during times of depression, especially in the winter, has been difficult for me. 

More than just winter blues: part 2 #mentalhealth series

Part 1 of More Than Just Winter Blues was an introduction to guest poster Natalie Mohr and her own personal journey as a mother struggling with mental health issues.

Natalie P. Mohr is the author of "The Tale of the Lantern Lady," an allegorical short story about those who suffer from mental illness and depression and those who bridge the gap between pain and positive change in their lives.

For the gritty and very real version of Natalie's journey, see her other guest posts via Hope Rising - Natalie Part 1 and Hope Rising - Natalie Part 2

Lessons from a Medicated Mama - part 2
*a guest post from author Natalie Mohr*

Since my initial diagnosis and years of treatment, I have learned a variety of lessons that I would like to share. 

GET HELP --

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Your health is your first priority and you are your own advocate.  Do not allow fear of stigma or what other people or family members will think of you to deter you from seeking help.  Mental Illness is not a sign of weakness. Psychological disorders are physiological issues and are no different from other physical health problems. Sometimes the causes can be identified by hormonal fluctuations, hereditary conditions, health problems, chemical imbalances or other conditions. If you are overwhelmed by taking care of yourself or your children, ask for help from trusted friends and family and seek help from a professional. Surround yourself with a positive support system.

Always routinely take your medication and communicate with your doctor. Don't assume that if one drug doesn't work that there are no other effective options.  Be patient. Sometimes it can take months or in worst case scenario, years for some people to find the right medication and effective combination or dosage.  It can be discouraging but don't give up!

If you are unhappy with your provider, find a new one. Your mental health is essential to your well being and you should NEVER compromise your quality of care. For some people, it means the difference between life or death. Make sure you find one that is responsive and who will listen to you.  Search online or ask around for good references. Practitioners often have different philosophies when it comes to medication and treatment options. Some take traditional approaches while others are willing to go outside of the box.

More than just winter blues: A real discussion about mental health

Natalie P. Mohr is the author of "The Tale of the Lantern Lady," an allegorical short story about those who suffer from mental illness and depression and those who bridge the gap between pain and positive change in their lives.


Lessons from a Medicated Mama
*a guest post from author Natalie Mohr*

Motherhood can be one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences. As mothers, we feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment through our roles and the reciprocated love from our children. However, when combined with mental illnesses or depression, the responsibilities of having a little one dependent on you can seem overwhelming and even impossible.

Mental illness is a topic that is often not discussed. However the National Alliance for Mental Illness states that 1 in 4 Americans experience some form of depression or mental illness. Many feel their struggle must be kept "in the closet" and fear the potential criticisms of others. Attitudes like "hide you're crazy," "suck it up," "get it together," and "quit being lazy," are examples of negative stigma that deter many from seeking help. It's not "all in your head" or something you can just talk yourself out of.

2nd child: Then vs. Now

We are blessed to be adding another little one to our household. I know this, I really do.

But... when am I supposed to get excited about this second kiddo?

When am I supposed to feel the overwhelming joy and love?

I am only about one week away from the third trimester, and I have yet to move past the "oh my gosh, what the heck did we do?" stage. Maybe it is because my daughter is already 5 1/2 years old. I have had way too much time to settle into life with an only child and to forget most everything about childbirth or babies.

I know that the mornings with a newborn will be difficult and will be made even more miserable because I have to get Amelia ready for - and to - school on time. She isn't a baby, where I would be able to stay home with both kids and ease into my day. Nope, it will be up-and-at-'em at 6:30 a.m., regardless of baby's sleep schedule. We will be at soccer some evenings and on Saturdays. We will have birthday parties and school events to attend. When my husband is traveling, I will need to put two children to bed and somehow manage to fall into my own bed before I turn into a monster.

I am beyond overwhelmed and he is not even here yet. I already feel like a mom failure to this little guy.

Then, I could have told you exactly how many weeks and days I was in my pregnancy. Now, I sort of guess - or I look it up on the Internet if I really need to know.

#WW: Fly away, be free

Butterfly; butterfly fly away,
teach me how to be as free as free can be.

Butterfly; butterfly I see you there,
its beautiful the way your wings caress the air.

Butterfly; butterfly go as high as you can go,
show me the things that I don't yet know.

            -- Excerpt from Butterfly, by Ashley Landry

All of us #beautiful

"Mommy? Who is the prettiest person in the whole world?"
A question from my five year old tonight... it's a thinker. Amelia does not believe she is a pretty girl. At only five years old, she already wonders why people look different. She worries about what is pretty and what is not.

I don't dare tell her that a prettiest person exists.
And maybe she doesn't.

We are all beautiful. Every person was made unique. Every person a miracle.

Babies are beautiful. Ugly creeps in as we let our human ways take over. Ugliness appears in the wrongs that we do, in the cruel words we use, and in the evils we allow into our hearts.

I told my sweet, sensitive, lovely little girl that no one is the prettiest in the world. We are all beautiful if we have beautiful hearts. I reassured her that she is truly pretty because she is a caring, compassionate, amazing kid. I told her that her blue eye are astounding and her soft curls amazing, but her inside love shows her true beauty. And it always will.

"I like your glasses"

You know... no one tells me that they "like my glasses". However, this seems to be the #1 most common statement anyone says to my child. Amelia hears this comment at least twice a week, usually more. At the dentist the other day? Four people told Amelia, "I like your glasses" in a span of ten minutes.

The first couple times, she smiled and quietly expressed thanks.

The third time, she grinned, then hugged me.

The fourth time, she looked at the ground.  

Working in fuzzy socks #workingmom

Working moms have been in the news quite a bit lately, thanks to the controversial declarations by Marissa Mayer and Sheryl Sandberg, two of the digital world's most powerful female leaders.

I am a working mother. I made the decision to cut my work hours and go part-time so I could be with my daughter as much as possible while continuing to keep up with the advertising/media industry (and saving a bit of my sanity).

Mayer & Sandberg: Hurting working moms?

Wow, here is a great conversation-starter. A new opinion column about working women and the effects from two top female C-suite leaders. Are they selling guilt?

Click HERE to read The New Mommy Wars

What do you think?

Not like the others

Like most of you, I grew up with Sesame Street. I still remember many of the songs and videos they played over and over again.

Today, this one is running through my mind:

"One of these things is not like the others,  
One of these things just doesn't belong,  
Can you tell which thing is not like the others  
By the time I finish my song?"

Your greatest thing ever

(This week, I am giving myself a holiday break and pulling up some favorite posts from 2011. Enjoy!) 

Thank You Bear

In my advertising life, I spend hour after hour searching for the best places to reach the most relevant audiences. Every client, every product has a target audience. You don't speak the same way, or to the same people, for every brand out there. I have come to realize, especially with the power of social media, that we are all our own brand. We all have a "unique selling proposition". We all have an audience.


This morning, I was reading a book to my little sweetie. It is more than just an adorably-illustrated children's book. I think it has a very useful life (and business) lesson:
know your audience.