Sunday, October 20, 2013

2nd child: Then vs. Now

We are blessed to be adding another little one to our household. I know this, I really do.

But... when am I supposed to get excited about this second kiddo?

When am I supposed to feel the overwhelming joy and love?

I am only about one week away from the third trimester, and I have yet to move past the "oh my gosh, what the heck did we do?" stage. Maybe it is because my daughter is already 5 1/2 years old. I have had way too much time to settle into life with an only child and to forget most everything about childbirth or babies.

I know that the mornings with a newborn will be difficult and will be made even more miserable because I have to get Amelia ready for - and to - school on time. She isn't a baby, where I would be able to stay home with both kids and ease into my day. Nope, it will be up-and-at-'em at 6:30 a.m., regardless of baby's sleep schedule. We will be at soccer some evenings and on Saturdays. We will have birthday parties and school events to attend. When my husband is traveling, I will need to put two children to bed and somehow manage to fall into my own bed before I turn into a monster.

I am beyond overwhelmed and he is not even here yet. I already feel like a mom failure to this little guy.

Then, I could have told you exactly how many weeks and days I was in my pregnancy. Now, I sort of guess - or I look it up on the Internet if I really need to know.

Then, we had a name picked out even before we knew she was a girl. Now, my husband and I read through lists and lists of names, and none stand out to me as the one. Because I just can't fathom actually having another kid in this house.

Then, I called the OB nurse a gazillion times, worried about every pain, bump, or slightly abnormal affliction. Now, I figure I will just wait until my next appointment, assuming all is OK even if I am a bit concerned.

Then, we had a plan for her nursery and were gung-ho about painting and designing it to full cuteness. Now, I think... maybe... we will get it done before he celebrates his first birthday

Everything will be different.

I just want to know that I can do it without creating terrible little people. I want to know that I can focus on making the second one as amazing, smart, and kind as my first - without hurting the person who I feel is the most amazing and beautiful first child ever to walk this earth.

They say it will all come back to me. They say the love simply multiplies. They say I will find my routine and make it work. They say all will be OK.

I hope so.

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