I tried something new

Four years and 361 days ago, I tried something new. There was no going back, no time to question, no time to rethink this massively life changing event.

Four years and 361 days ago, at 11:57 p.m., I took a step into an new world. I became a mom.

I will look into your beautiful face

A culture of bullies

Many of you probably heard of 15-year old Amanda Todd this week. She committed suicide after suffering bullying, reaching out for help via a video, only to be bullied more. She also suffered from drug and alcohol abuse from a lifetime of feeling down and alone. It is truly a tragedy. And unfortunately, one that is all too common today.

Kids and teens have access to technology these days. Hurtful words no longer travel only by mouth; they can sting from across space, broadcast to millions in a matter of moments. Stupid decisions can be posted on the Internet, never to go away. Secrets can be blown wide open in more dramatic ways than ever before. It is a tough lesson to learn, especially for teens.

Genius, preceded by failure

"We haven't failed. We now know a thousand things that won't work, so we are much closer to finding what will."--Thomas Edison 

Oh, the power of positive thinking. If it were not for can-do attitude, the human race would be deprived of an extraordinary number of amazing things. 

Riding in style: from car seat to highback booster

This weekend, we finally agreed that the time had come. Our little girl, growing like a weed, was ready to say goodbye to the convertible car seat. Hello to a brand new phase of growing up.

She is four years and five months old and exceptionally tall. Never less than the 95th percentile, and now only a mere few inches from the limit on the car seat. It has become difficult to buckle and too tight by her legs. So today, she took her first ride in her booster seat in the family vehicle.

I was the best mom ever - until I became one.

Rebecca is a Homeschool Mom and writes about life's journey at Mom's Mustard Seeds. A place for all parents...to spend time laughing, crying and resting, while being encouraged to push forward and seek out faith that can move mountains.

I love her thoughts here. She's a pretty smart mama!

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Parenting, it's a funny thing.
I was really good at it...the best...until I became one.

You too? Maybe not.

Before I became a parent...I thought "Wow, my kids will never do that."

Then, I became a parent...and well...my children began to do whatever it was I swore my they would never do.

You know....like scream or cry in a grocery store.

Long gone are my thoughts of... "Yeah, my Kids won't do that."
Now, I think... "Glad it's not my turn"...or "That poor baby,he/she is tired...and Mom is, too...sure wish I could help."

What about you? Were you the perfect parent before you became one. Or have you found that epiphany of the perfect parenting mixed with kids that are very pliable in this crazy world that seems to drive 100 mph....with the windows down and everyone running to their own destinations to meet their own needs or desires?

Nope, my kids aren't perfect.

But, I love them...and accept them for who they are. I can't change their hearts, but I can walk along life's paths while they are with me. I can tie their heart strings to mine in a way that will give them precious memories to cherish and desire for their own home....and I can share with them the same love, grace and mercy that Jesus shares with me daily!

I love spending days drawing, making crafts, baking, learning, reading, playing and building relationships with my children....and I'm beginning to let go.....

I'm letting go of being the perfect parent...and expecting perfect children. I want to be a parent who shares in the joys and laughter....the good and the bad....all moments, walking this journey....to glorify him!

And...if you ever see me in a store with my children...we may be laughing or I may be the one crying. I just ask...that if I am crying...please don't judge me. Maybe walk up, put your arm around me and say...."One day....this too shall pass"....

Put a little laughter in your day....enjoy it all....because one day those sticky little fingers will be grown...the laundry no longer piling up and either school work or homework will no longer be strewn about the house...and the dog won't be eating it either. BUT, their heartstrings may be tied so tightly to yours...through the laughter that they will come home, sit at the counter, eat some chocolate chips and roll through those aisles with you again!

What do you enjoy doing with your children? Have you let go of perfection and soaked up the beauty of a real life founded in love and acceptance?

Take an extra step

I have posted about self-improvement in the past. Last week, I mentioned my desire to be a better mama by stepping it up a notch. This week? I will try to make the world a little bit nicer. By taking one extra step whenever I can.

We all lead busy lives. We want the best for our families and for ourselves, and we're rushing and pushing to achieve our goals. Hours, days, and weeks fly by as we speed through life's experiences.

But what if we slowed down? Only for a brief second at a time? What if we took our extra seconds and went just a teeny bit farther - for someone else?

If there are three squares of toilet paper on the roll.... just go ahead and change it. The next person will appreciate it.

If a driver needs to switch lanes... tap the brakes and allow them over. You won't be any later and you'll avoid a potential road rage battle.

If someone has two items in a crowded grocery store with no express lanes open... let them step in front of your loaded-down cart. It won't take more than a minute or two.

If there are dishes in the sink... just go ahead and get them in the dishwasher. Your house will look nicer and everyone will be happy. Okay, maybe not all the time, but it will require much less effort vs. tackling a pile nearly ceiling-high. I've tested this.

I am sure there are a million different ways to take one extra step a few times each day. I have to wonder, what would our world be like if everyone did just that?

Little gestures can certainly make a big difference.

WW: January 12th, surgery day

One of the most difficult days of my life. I have gone into surgery for myself a couple times, but nothing compares to the emotional overload when your child is the patient.

Loritab makes her silly!
And she was thrilled that her animals got hospital gowns too.

My badge of honor.

Not a happy camper, but on our way home at last.

The first daytime nap this girl has taken in over a year.

The next day - all smiles at The Olive Garden.
Time will tell as her eyes re-learn to work together.

Thanks to all who have expressed their support and send virtual hugs and prayers. I will speak with the doctor soon and we follow-up in person on February 8th. It can take weeks for her eyes to become straight again. 

Waiting is not easy. I still have fear that we made a bad choice, but the fear is receding as I observe small improvements each day.

Patience, mama. Patience.

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UPDATE!  The surgeon worked us in early this morning for a follow-up visit. All is OK! Amelia is still seeing double, but he is not concerned. We got some prescription eye drops for inflammation and once we get that cleared up, she will feel less discomfort, the eye muscles can relax, and her vision will be able to adjust more normally. Nothing we're experiencing right now is abnormal, nor is it bad news. Whew! This mama can finally breathe again. Lesson learned - insist on the doctor if the worry is too great to handle. The early wake-up and copay were well worth it.

The day after...

Pain. Helplessness. Impatience.

That’s my day today. I am heartbroken when I look at my innocent little girl. Her face is puffy, blood pools in her eyes, and she is looking at her world with one eye shut. She had eye muscle surgery yesterday. Our choice. We did this to her.

We knew this would happen the first few days. We were informed over and over again that he brain needed time to adjust to the eyes’ new placement, that she may be cross-eyed with double vision. My rational side is taking this experience one day at a time, fully understanding that what we see today is not what we may see one week from now.

But my emotional side, my protective mommy side, is on the verge of complete meltdown. Her condition was very mild. Only close family observed her eye movement. No teachers, friends, or neighbors even noticed. But she began to tell me that her “eye wouldn’t stay still”, that she wanted it to be fixed. So we moved forward, put on our brave faces, and sent her into surgery.

And now that she looks worse than ever? The dark intruder, guilt, is hitting us hard.

What did we do?

Did we break our only child?

We were pressured into a quick choice?

Did we make a huge mistake?

I have had plenty of experiences with mommy guilt. But this one beats them all. I need the rational side to speak a little louder today. To tell me it’s going to be okay. To remind me that come Monday or Tuesday, she will be greeting me (and only one of me) in the morning with both eyes wide and a smile across her sweet, soft face. To tell me that Daddy and I did the right thing. To tell me she isn’t mad at us.

I know these things… truly, I do. But it still hurts. A lot.

"A careful woman" (reminder for moms)

I wish I could say I wrote this, but I did not. I came across it recently and it just stuck. It haunts me in a way, not like a regret or nightmare, but as a guardian angel reminding me to strive for my best:

"The Little One That Follows Me"

(author unknown)

A careful woman, I ought to be;
a little one follows me.
I do not dare to go astray,
for fear they'll go, the self-same way.

I cannot once escape their eyes,
whatever they see me do, they'll try.
Like me, they say, they're going to be,
that little one that follows me.

They think that I am good and fine;
believe in every work of mine.
The bad in me they must not see;
my life to them, must, an example be.

I must remember, as I go,
through summer's sun and winter's snow,
I'm building for the years to be,
for that little one that follows me.

It is not easy to strive for our best every day. Fatigue transforms our amusement into impatience, and impatience chases away our calm voice. No human is perfect; all we can do is try.

But try I will.
I have no other choice.

If you really knew me...

Social media has a way of making us feel popular. We feel a twinge of pride from having hundreds of Facebook friends, thousands of Twitter followers, and blog readers from all over the world.

But there is a line between tangible and virtual.

Not too long ago, a well-respected and heavily-followed social media expert committed suicide. For many of us, we immediately thought, "How could that be? He had so many followers!".

But a social media follower is not the same as a real-life friend. It is easy to feel alone, even in the thick of a crowd.

If you really knew me, you would know that...

I write the truth.
I write from my heart.
I am what I write...

But I am probably too embarrassed to talk about it in person.

My first blog conference is coming up on Saturday.

I am a nervous wreck.

What do I wear?
Are comfy shoes okay?
Should I try to be trendy?
Or should I just be me?
What if "me" isn't good enough?

What if I hate it?
Can I leave early and go home to my family?

If you really know me, you will understand that this step is a big one. Blog readers know my heart. They have read my dreams. They are aware of my fears.

And I am about to come out from behind the computer screen... as ME.

I still have no idea what I'm going to wear.

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Inspired by one of Mama Kat's prompts from her prompt-generator HERE.
"If you really knew me, you would know that..."

If I could tell new moms ONE thing...

If you are looking for expert advice on parenting, you have come to the right place should probably venture elsewhere.

But if you want some honest tips from a semi-clueless first-time mama who is managing to raise a pretty darn awesome kid? Okay, I can help you there.

I have now lived three years, five months, and five days with my lovely, precocious little darling.

She is worth the exhaustion.

She is worth the "mommy brain" from which I still often suffer.

She makes me laugh every single day.

So, what advice would I give to a new mom?

Do not lose yourself. Instead, take care of yourself.

Do not let society lead you to believe that a good parent must be a martyr. Don't let unsolicited advice make you doubt yourself. Do not put so much into raising your child the "right way" that you forget to raise yourself up at times. A good mom? Is a happy mom.

So, new moms? Repeat after me.

I will take time to be myself.

I will take time to be alone.

I will do something, just for me, on a regular basis.

I will not apologize for making myself happy.

When I am happy, my child will know it, feel it, and live it.

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Join in the fun with Mama Kat!

What she did for me

When I was a little girl, she was a teenager. When I was Cookie Monster for Halloween, she was a gorgeous princess in a blue and silver gown. When she went to the prom, she let me walk next door to peek at her grown-up and fabulous look. She was a babysitter, but also willing to be a friend.

Later, when my mind was guiding me to a possible career in advertising, I learned that she had already pursued - and grasped - that dream. Once again, she allowed me to look up to her and opened her calendar to schedule time for a tour.

I visited the big-city advertising agency on a Friday. I navigated the parking deck and strolled past a spraying fountain to enter the shiny building. In the elevator, I smoothed my skirt and picked at my hair. When I heard five dings, it was time to step out into the agency. The colorful lobby greeted me with cheer. I affixed my best grown-up look on my face and approached the desk. "Director of First Impressions," said the little placard. This place? Was even too cool to say "receptionist". I had stars in my eyes.

Soon, I was trailing behind my mentor as she pointed out various parts of the agency. She introduced me to agency friends. I should have seized the opportunity to ask questions, but I was mute with nerves. At one point, I noticed a little brown dog. A living, breating, fluffy animal. Sleeping under someone's desk. That is when I learned about Dog Friday. At this office, employees could actually bring their dogs to work! The working world was going to be so cool. I could not wait to venture out of Tennessee and into this big city to start my own fabulous life.

She has no idea what her guidance meant to me back then. We have both moved through varying careers. She left the ad agency world for good, I left once and came back. Not all agencies are funky and fun... in fact, some mimic the worst of sweatshops. But I still believe I made the correct choice for a career. I enjoy it and I am good at it.

I have her to thank for guiding me there.



Everyone remembers that first inspiration or mentor in their lives that made them want to be or do something in their lives, whether you actually followed through with it or not. Tell us about that inspiration/mentor. How did they affect or change your life!