I have been home on maternity leave with my kindergartner and newborn for one month. I usually work part-time, about 14 hours each week with 8 of those hours in the office. I do not have one of those amazing jobs with meaning; I don't save lives, birth babies, or invent amazing technological advancements. But my job is my escape from the monotony of home; it is my regular exercise for my brain. I get to brainstorm ideas and make smart decisions.
I hate moms who judge other moms - and I applaud all types. Stay-a-home (SAHM), work-from-home, full-time, part-time... whatever works for each individual mom is Awesome. Yep, with a capital A.
Sometimes, however, I wonder what is wrong with me. Why can't I find that joy and contentment in staying home? How do the SAHMs stay sane?
For one month, I have been packing lunches, changing diapers, feeding the baby, feeding the family, and trudging to the grocery store. Not much else, unless you count Facebook. Or 3-hour long marathons on HGTV. Or consuming mass quantities of chocolate? The house is silent for most of the day, unless the baby is whining. Or screaming. I feel like Words With Friends is my only brain exercise.
Holy moly, I am bored!
Are the SAHMs reaching for their pitchforks? Please don't. Everyone's day is different. Toddlers are much more active than babies. Some of you have several children at home. I get it. If you are happy at home - and I am sure you are busy - then I am thrilled for you.
But oh my gosh, I am B-O-R-E-D.
Am I missing the maternal magic that should be inside my heart? I do not find diapers interesting. Or feeding. Television rots my brain. I sweep the floor, but it's a mess again before I can spin around. Dishes keep on piling up - once the dishwasher is emptied, it is time to be full again. My life for the past month has been a constant circle. Do something, do it again, then again, and again, and again...
I just don't know if I can do it anymore.
But I may not have a choice. My job as I knew it may not be waiting for me as I had hoped. So I am stuck between hope for escaping the monotony and a difficult attempt to answer the question, can I be happy as a SAHM? Is it a blessing in disguise, as others have suggested? Or will it kill me?
Seriously... am I broken?