Friday, March 28, 2014

For that I thank you

I have an acquaintance, hopefully she'd say a friend, a fellow blogger in the Atlanta area. I sat by her at an event this past weekend. She met my baby boy and we talked about the upcoming birth of her third son, expected within the week.

She gave birth to that precious boy yesterday. Thursday, March 27, 2014. Baby Gage fought a valiant fight with some breathing difficulty and an infection. But he left our earthly world about eleven hours after he was born.

This is not about me, but I am hurting so much for her. For the baby's father. For the children who were anxious to meet their new sibling. I am barely functioning today because that family is all I can think about. I want to pour my heart out with the words currently pounding in my head. I suppose I'm seeking relief from the sadness, a relief I don't even come close to deserving. It isn't "my" crisis.

I cannot stop staring at my own newborn baby boy. Irrational as it is, I feel guilty. How can I post his photo to Facebook? How can I share his milestones? I know she would not want me to feel this way or hold back my proud moments, but I am afraid of causing her even a touch of additional pain. She does not deserve the pain she is suffering right now and all who know her wish they could help to take it all away. Humans are selfish, and we want this baby boy back. Despite God's will, we so want him back.

For all the amazing women out there who have suffered infant loss, my heart aches for you too. May you find peace and loving hearts to surround you, especially the days when you have more 'downs' than 'ups'.

Baby Gage touched so many hearts in his short time here. He made us all hold our children, young and old, a little tighter. He made me calm when my almost 6-year-old was a sassy and disrespectful nightmare. He made sure that I will never stop being thankful.

For that, baby Gage, I thank you. You are beautiful in every way.

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