Wednesday, July 14, 2010

How do you not ask why?


It's the question you are not supposed to ask. It's the word that sticks in your brain and pains your heart. And it seems it's the hardest thing to push away in times of trouble.

The rest of the world moves on. We're expected to go back home. Go back to work. But when someone we love is in pain and facing a tremendous emotional challenge, it's almost too hard.

It is not easy to spend countless moments in a hospital, searching for progress wherever it may be found. But it's definitely not easy to be back home, either. The world keeps moving on. They move on with a smile. But we have heavy hearts. And only the big picture matters anymore.

I want to know WHY.

Being a perfect mom? Now only means being there for your child, no matter how old. Just like my mother-in-law, standing by her eldest daughter.

Being a working mom? I don't even care anymore. I will put forth the effort I can, but I can't bring myself to think it matters. At all.

A happy mom? I can rejoice in the funny things my daughter does, but my heart hurts. Even when I'm feeling OK, I see the pain in my husband's eyes as he worries about his sister. And then I hurt again.

I want to know WHY.

- - -
My sister-in-law was involved in an accident on July 8th, 2010. She is lucky to have survived the accident, and came out of it with the use of her arms, no brain damage, and breathing on her own. Those were miracles out of her tragedy.

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