I am not available this weekend!

I am so tired.
I miss lazy, no-plans weekends.
It has been at least a month since I felt rested.

It began with a nasty cold virus that hit all three of us, nestled itself snug in our ears, and stuck around for weeks. Then the vacation packing. Trying to avoid excess airline bag fees, it took days for me to strategically choose and place everything so we could check only one bag. The night before  vacation? I awoke at 2:00 a.m. and dashed to the bathroom. On the way there, I passed out cold on the floor, waking my husband with the loud thud. Then I vomited. And hit my head a second time when I passed out again. I was sweaty and sick, on and off until 6:00 in the morning. We had to be at the airport by 7:30!

That day was the most horrible travel experience ever. I was not vomiting anymore, but felt weak and tired and just plain awful. I considered staying home, but they would be cruising for a week! And I knew this would pass within a day. I couldn't even concentrate enough to look for a flight the following day. Despite my master packing efforts, we checked two bags because I could not bear to carry anything. I pushed my body and fatigue to the limits, making it through the flight, the rental car process, and an hour drive to my mother-in-law's house. I slept for many, many hours. Daddy heroically tended to Amelia's every need for a full 24 hours.

The cruise was fantastic. I was better (and even eating a little) by check-in time and vowed to use sanitizer and Lysol wipes religiously. I definitely did not want anyone to get sick from me! And thankfully, no one did. We sailed and played and ate for a week. I felt good, but it was quite an active time. I could have used a sleep catch-up day for sure.

Upon arrival home, I tackled the mountains of laundry. Got Amelia back to school for one day while I went to the office. Then she had eye surgery. Stress on top of exhaustion! This, her second time, was much worse than before. She was crying, frightened, and miserable. The first day culminated in vomit all over her bed. She awoke the next few mornings early, scared and crying because her eyes were swollen and sore. 

I hosted a baby shower that Sunday. I went to work that week. Then guests began to arrive at week's end. 

Birthday party.

Easter.

Late nights because Amelia was used to her loose vacation schedule and lack of rules.

Today, I am hanging by a thread. Aches persist. I yawn and yawn and yawn. So absolutely ready for the weekend. No early plans. We all need some serious lazy time! 

I'm not even going to write a blog post.

Catch ya Monday!

Snuggly comfort

Too old for a blankie? Nah.
I am a few weeks shy of 34 years old, and one of my favorite items is a worn blanket with frayed edges.

My grandma was the crafty type. She could sew and cook better than anyone I have ever known. When we visited, chocolate chip cookies were always stacked high, ready for us to devour. And the beds were made with lovely, cozy quilts that Grandma pieced together by hand. I still have a few of them. Two are in perfect condition, used only when we have surplus guests and need extra bedding. But one is a bit faded, a bit tattered, and a whole lot of loved. It traveled from my grandparents' home, to Tennessee, to college, and to my first grown-up apartment. I packed it for the hospital when I was about to meet my sweet baby Amelia. It now resides in my house, still adored, even though time has transformed me into a working, writing, playing mama.

I am convinced this blanket releases a magical poof of comfort. The fabric is crisply cool on the surface, but just heavy enough to keep away the chill in the air. I could cuddle up on the couch with this one every day. In fact, when I have time, that is exactly what I do! Even in the summer. Some of the fabric has thinned to the point of holes. The edges are pulling apart. The colors are but pastel hues of their former brightness. But this one blanket, only this one, holds on to my heart. There is not another one like it in the world.

Grandma is not with us anymore, but I bet she is happy that I am still enjoying her handiwork. I think that's why it is so cozy; it was truly created with love between each hand stitch.

Share one of your favorite things

What I want

Lately, I feel like three years' worth of tired smacked me in the backside and kept going, leaving tread marks down my poor body, smooshed in the road.

Aches and pains keep me up at night, stripping me of any hope for a chipper, rested morning. The more tired I feel, the harder it is to be a good mommy. My patience is stretched thin and I just don't feel like getting up for the fifty-second time to fetch a another snack, put in a DVD, help fit a puzzle piece, or open the too-tight jars of Play-Doh.

I struggle through each day, searching for activities that will bring bedtime closer... sooner. I pathetically hold on to hope that my husband will come home a few minutes early, just to get disappointed again and again as his overly demanding job pulls him into one more long phone call, one more meeting downtown, one more urgent email.

Honestly, people? I'm pretty annoyed that no one told me my life as Mommy would be truly, physically painful.

Wordless Wednesday: Sweet Tooth

Sweet girl with a sweet tooth (like mama, like daughter!)

Shhh... hear that?

Silence.

I love watching her sleep. Her sweet little round face is calm. The long eyelashes on her closed eyes are lovely. We're resting together in my room - our new favorite naptime spot. I listen to nothing but the sound of her gentle breathing. The phone is unplugged. My cell is on vibrate. I am forced to spend time in silence.

I like it.

I should be napping

I really should. I should be chilling out on the couch, nothing but silence coming from the baby monitor, my eyes closed. But am I napping? Of course not.

I have some kind of ridiculous obsession with finding things to do. Even when I am caught up on work and chores, I manage to waste time on Facebook. Or email. Or, like this very moment, I have a blog post to write. And 99.9% of the time, right as I have finally decided to take a quiet moment all to myself, I hear that little sweet voice from upstairs.

"Mommy?" Mommmmmmy?"

She seems to know exactly when to wake up. To make sure I have wasted every precious second of her naptime on stuff that I may or may not have needed to do.

Today I am going to relax. As soon as I finish this post. Last night, I was lucky enough to have a girls' night out with three neighbor/mommy/friends. We had some margaritas and yummy white queso dip. I had a BBQ chicken taco that was a little bit spicy and quite yummy. And the four of us, we laughed. We laughed about our husbands (in the nicest possible way, honey). We laughed about our kids. We actually conversed on subjects that had nothing to do with our kids (imagine that!). And we talked about how another neighbor's kid may or may not wear a swim diaper in our community pool (I seriously hope so). And the drunk neighbor who once could not find his own home. It was a really good time. Something we need to do much more often.

I was out way beyond my usual self-imposed curfew. These days I barely make it to 10:30 before crawling into bed. We got home around 11:10. I had a fabulous no-stress sleep. And now I am greedy for more "me" time. I could use a little more rest.

So here is my announcement: I am going to take a nap!!! I have no ability to nap longer than 20-30 minutes, but I'll take what I can get. Yay for calm & rested Mommy! See ya later.

A heartwarming mommy moment

After a very rough weekend of Amelia illness, 2-year molar teething (again!), and a 3-day hunger strike, I was thrilled to hear Amelia begin her day with chatter and giggles instead of tears. She ate breakfast and went to school happy. At school, she played on the playground, worked on some art, entertained her teachers with some dance moves, and ate all of her lunch. I thought I could not be happier with her positive turnaround since our nightmare of a weekend.

I was wrong. I could be happier... Amelia treated me to an extra-special mommy/daughter moment today. She filled my heart with joy.

Amelia wanted me to rock her to sleep at naptime.

I have not been able to rock my active, precocious girl to sleep in over a year. So when she demanded that I cuddle with her in the rocking chair and listen to music, I did it. We didn't talk. We didn't sing. We just sat together, her head on my shoulder, and rocked.

I feel the pull of my various responsibilities constantly. The working mom in me always wonders what's in my email inbox. The "perfect" mom in me is always worried about something - is she potty training fast enough, is she going to stop pushing other kids at school, is she hyperactive? Way too often, it is the happy mom who gets left behind. I'm a multi-tasker. I can check email while I watch the mac-n-cheese cooking on the stove and clap for Amelia after she sings me a song. I don't often let myself stop and truly immerse myself in a moment. There is always something else to be done.

Today, for 15 minutes, everything stopped. Thoughts of work left my brain. The pull of my email, my blog, and Facebook did not exist. The ongoing internal debate over when to take away Amelia's sleeping pacifier ceased. Amelia and I enjoyed our moment together.

And I was, 100%, without a doubt, happy.

If you have an infant and you're struggling with sleep deprivation, try to take a second and find the joy. Because too quickly, you won't be rocking that little one to sleep anymore. Unless one day they surprise you.

Today, I was happily surprised.

It's Friday! And I'm going to bed.

Woah, what a day! It started out pretty well, visiting friends at my former place of employment. Amelia was all smiles and shyness. Then lunch with an awesome friend who is braving the working world as a brand new mommy.

It all went downhill at nap time. Otherwise known today as "fight the toddler for two hours to get a nap and drastically fail" time. This child turns into an angry green monster when she doesn't nap. Really!

See?

And on another note, Claude the kitty is still pretty sick. Blood work came back totally normal, so we have no clue what is wrong. He's just on pain meds at this point. And the Amelia monster decided to torment him this evening with a laundry basket. Poor, poor buddy.

So here it is, Friday night. I'm sure many people are out to dinner, maybe a movie, possibly socializing with friends. Meanwhile, I am going to bed.

And I'm thrilled about it.

Sunshine finally in the forecast this weekend. I'll be ready to start over with a brand new sunny day. TGIF!!!