My friend posted a very wise and extremely brave post on Facebook today. She gave me permission to share, although I choose to keep this anonymous.
I wanted to project her words beyond her Facebook friends, because this is a very important discussion that our nation needs to have. No more hiding this very real issue.
To my dear friend, you floored me today. I am proud of you and love you!
- - - -
I am coming out of the closet. Not that kind of closet, another one. For the past 12 years I have struggled with a mental illness. It's been a "dirty little secret" I felt like I had to hide. I have a severe form of bi-polar disorder.
"Oh no! Look out! She's crazy!!!" When I hear people say that this kid in CT was evil, it pains me. There is a difference between evil and mental illness. I am
tired of the stigma that mental illness
carries with it and the labels people put on those who suffer from it.
We are made to feel as if it is something to be ashamed of.
In 2005, I
attempted suicide. I know first hand what it is like to be unable to
control your thoughts, your emotions, and your impulses. Many years
ago, I did things that were out of my character that could have
destroyed my life and hurt those around me. I struggle with that guilt
even today. But, much of it was due to the fact that I was not
receiving adequate mental healthcare and was not properly medicated. I
have had many good doctors and many bad ones. I had several that were
completely apathetic, negligent and unresponsive to my cries for help.
As evidenced by all of the recent shootings, I am not alone in that
experience. The theater shooting in Colorado did not have to happen.
The guy sent letters to his psychiatrist and even told them what he
planned to do and no one responded. When mental healthcare providers do
not fulfill their obligations to their patients, people's lives are
affected. People die.
In April, I had a provider drop me for missing an
appointment because my children were sick. I had expressed suicidal
ideation the month before and was in the middle of post partum
depression and was unstable. She did not give me notice and did not
adequately provide medication until I could find a new doctor. As a
result, my ability to function was affected, therefore affecting the
lives of my family. It caused my condition to worsen due to her
negligence and I am still not yet recovered. Since then, I have had to
start all over from square one to try to find medication that works.
People don't realize it's not a quick fix. It can take many months, even
years to find the right medications.
I am thankful for the support
system I have of my parents, my understanding husband and an awesome
therapist. If I did not have those people in my life, I am convinced I
would not be alive. So, you can judge people all you want. You can
call people names like crazy, psycho, evil or lazy. But, do not assume
you have ANY idea what kind of HELL these people live in and the burdens
they carry in their minds. Do not assume they can just "snap out of
it," push themselves, or "know better." If you believe that, you are
ignorant of the facts. Reporters are stupid and they are infuriating me
with their wreckless comments. If you had a chemical imbalance in your
brain, you could be one of them too.
I'm posting this in hopes that
those of you who know me will see me for who I am, not what I am and to
ask you to join me in FIGHTING THE STIGMA of mental illness. Stigma
holds many people in need of help from pursuing it. Many people with
bi-polar are successful and have accomplished amazing things. But, the
rock bottom times can make even the most successful people feel
worthless. I am struggling right now and my condition has not been this
bad since 2005. I had been stable for 7 years. You see the happy face
but you never know what is going on inside of someone. Thankfully, I
have a doctor who is accessible, responsive, and proactive. I take my
medication as prescribed and do not abuse drugs or alcohol. I try to
eliminate stressors that serve as triggers and also try to get regular
sleep.
Please remember, all mentally ill people do not have access to
good support systems like family, friends, and good health care and that
can mean the difference between life or death. Please don't judge when
you have never experienced it yourself. I am my own advocate, but also
an advocate for others. Mental healthcare issues needs to be a HUGE
part of the recent discussions. That is all.
-Copied from a friend's Facebook wall-
